BLUMMER.COM is a comedy, parody, satire, and entertainment site. Nothing on this site is medical advice, legal advice, financial advice, mental-health advice, tax advice, or professional advice of any kind.
Jokes, songs, sketches, monologues, T-shirt designs, and characters are works of comedy. They reflect the artistic expression of the performer ("Blummer" / Michael J. Blumsack) and are not statements of fact. References to real persons, places, brands, or events are made for purposes of commentary, criticism, parody, and satire as protected speech under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution and analogous protections under international law.
If you are looking for actual advice — see a real doctor, a real lawyer, a real accountant. You came here for laughs. Keep it that way.
"The Marijuana Song" is an original musical composition written and performed by Michael J. Blumsack as comedy / parody / satire.
The Marijuana Song is fully copyrighted as of its first public publication on this site. Sound recording rights, composition rights, lyric rights, and any synchronization rights are reserved exclusively to Michael J. Blumsack. Unauthorized reproduction, sampling, cover recording, public performance, or sync use will be pursued.
Everything on BLUMMER.COM — including but not limited to:
…is the EXCLUSIVE INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY of Michael J. Blumsack and/or URtrAIned Incorporated. No license is granted to any visitor, customer, scraper, bot, AI model, aggregator, or other entity except as expressly stated in writing.
Permitted use: Casual viewing. Personal, non-commercial enjoyment. Buying a T-shirt you intend to wear yourself. Linking to BLUMMER.COM from your own site.
Strictly forbidden: Copying. Republishing. Reposting our content as yours (including on TikTok, Instagram, X, YouTube, Reels, or any other platform — that is theft, not "reposting"). Reselling our designs in any form. Creating "fan merch" using our marks. Using our songs, jokes, or recordings in your own content without an express written license.
"BLUMMER", "BLUMMER.COM", "Stand-up. Daily.", "The Marijuana Song", and the Blummer character (the bearded gentleman in the Boston cap), as well as the visual identity, color palette, typographic treatment, and logo lockups of this site, are common-law trademarks of Michael J. Blumsack. Federal trademark registration is pending.
"URtrAIned", "TutorTech", "NSGI", "Unitron", "H.A.V.E.", and related corporate marks of URtrAIned Incorporated are protected separately.
Using these marks in your own product, merch, content, business name, social handle, ad campaign, or domain name without written authorization is trademark infringement and will be pursued. Don't do it.
By accessing this site, you agree that NO PART OF BLUMMER.COM may be used to train, fine-tune, embed, or otherwise inform any artificial intelligence model — whether large language model, image model, music model, voice model, multimodal model, or otherwise — without the express prior written consent of Michael J. Blumsack.
You further agree:
AI training on this content without permission is willful copyright infringement and will be litigated. Operators of AI services that ingest BLUMMER.COM content without a license are jointly and severally liable.
If you steal, copy, redistribute, or pirate content from BLUMMER.COM, here is what happens:
If you are about to copy something from this site, stop. Email us instead. Most reasonable licensing requests are answered within a week.
If you believe content on BLUMMER.COM infringes your own copyright, submit a DMCA-compliant notice to the agent below containing:
False DMCA notices are perjury under 17 U.S.C. §512(f) and may result in civil liability.
Merchandise is printed and shipped by third-party fulfillment providers (Printful Inc. is the current primary provider). Order processing follows the providers' terms.
BLUMMER.COM collects only what you give it: your email address if you subscribe, and your name + shipping details if you order. We do not sell, rent, or share your personal information with third parties for marketing. Fulfillment partners receive your shipping data solely to ship your order.
We use minimal server logs (IP, request path, timestamp) for operations and abuse prevention. No third-party advertising trackers are loaded by this site.
You may request deletion of your data by emailing the address below. We respond within 30 days as required by GDPR / CCPA / similar regimes.
BLUMMER.COM is provided AS IS, WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, express or implied, including but not limited to warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, or non-infringement.
To the maximum extent permitted by law, in no event shall Michael J. Blumsack, URtrAIned Incorporated, or any affiliated party be liable for any indirect, incidental, special, consequential, or punitive damages arising out of or related to your use of this site or its contents — including but not limited to lost profits, lost data, business interruption, or emotional distress from a joke not landing.
Total aggregate liability for any claim arising out of this site shall not exceed the amount you paid us in the preceding twelve (12) months, or fifty United States dollars ($50), whichever is greater.
These Terms are governed by the laws of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, United States, without regard to its conflict-of-laws principles. You consent to exclusive personal jurisdiction and venue in the state and federal courts located in Suffolk County, Massachusetts for any claim arising out of or related to your use of this site.
Where federal IP law applies, federal courts have concurrent jurisdiction. We reserve the right to enforce in any jurisdiction where infringement occurs.
Michael J. Blumsack
Owner / Founder, URtrAIned Incorporated
Email: michael.blumsack@gmail.com
Subject line for legal: [LEGAL] or [DMCA]
Response time: typically 72 business hours.